The macadamia and I saw "He's Just Not That Into You" the other night. Of course, being girls, we don't really need a reason to start talking about relationships and people, but the movie definitely spurred some conversation. What does a healthy relationship look like? Which of the relationships portrayed in the film most closely resembled that? How much of a difference is there between relationships with a Christian foundation and relationships without one? (Somewhere in there, I pointed out that there is a significant portion of the female population that NEVER gets marred. She didn't believe me, but we looked it up - 24%. That's almost 1 in 4. Given the number of weddings I've been associated with, well . . . I won't say it here, she'll hit me again.)
And then my brother called me a couple of nights ago and we started talking about the same sort of thing - only with a broader scope. The tone of the conversation was different simply because neither of us is in a relationship right now and we can ask questions like "is it really beneficial to get paired up with another person?" Sure, the desire's there for a reason, but if you're honest with yourself, are you going to live a life of fuller productivity for God with the distraction of another person? That, of course, raises the question of which is the greater distraction: desiring a relationship, or being in one. I'm not sure we reached much of a solid conclusion with that, beyond "Some relationships are really good and definitely founded on mutual pursuit of God...others, not so much. Right now, God has both of us in a place of 'being single' so we'll just go with that." It was a good conversation.
All of the talking got me pondering. And then I read 1 John before I left for work tonight.
"By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth." ~ 1 John 3:16-18, NKJV
I could keep typing up verses from that book - there are so many that go *ZOT!* - but I'm pretty sure that all of the random brain things that I'm typing up already are going to get confusing, so I'm going to try to slow down my thoughts to match my typing speed and make the statement that I almost used as the title to this post: love sucks.
Regardless of the context - romantic, friendship, parent-child, passing acquaintanceship - love, real love, sucks. It hurts. It's sacrifice. There are definitely a bundle of benefits to go with it - and the warm fuzzies of knowing someone else cares are pretty cool - but when you get down to the nitty gritty of just what it is that God's telling us to do.....yeah, it bites.
Think about it: when Christ was on His way to the cross, that was love. That was why He came. We're called to pick up our cross and follow Him (Matt. 16:24). Our love for Him brings the likelihood of persecution and lack of understanding on the part of others (John 15:20). Putting some serious thought into the whole "marriage is a reflection of Christ's relationship with the church" thing will absolutely blow your mind. Christ died for the church. The church is martyred for Christ. Christians don't take part in certain lifestyles because we believe they are not honoring to God. It's a form of sacrifice not unlike the sacrifices that are made in solid marriage relationships every day.
*sigh* Ok, my train of thought totally got interrupted by various dealings here at work. The general point that I'm trying to make is that love is hard. But I guess that makes sense...I mean, it's a - if not THE - key aspect of God. Without Him, it's pretty much impossible.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
I am not Wonder Woman
It's true. While I may have been christened WW back at my former place of employment, I can't do everything all at once. I've tried...again. And again, well, I've failed. But! I quit while I was ahead, and life is good :-) [side note: lifting heavy boxes of paper and stuff is no where near as difficult as lifting heavy people who want to bite you]
As further explanation of my current situation, I am no longer enrolled in the nursing program that I fought tooth and nail to get into less than a year ago. When I started in the fall with all sorts of administrative hoops and other idiocy, I had an inkling that this wasn't going to work, but I gave it a shot anyway. This semester, with more credits than I've EVER taken (except for that one time back in my freshman year when I tried 21...) and a full time job on the night shift, I basically died. Not literally, mind you. In fact, I've been doing better as far as life in general goes. Academically, however, life was going less than great. I completely forgot a paper that was due, fell behind by about two week's worth of assignments in an online class and finally ended up postponing an exam until the end of the semester. I never forget papers. Ever. While online classes are easy targets for procrastination, the point I was reaching was unacceptable. And postponing exams is very near the top of "things I REALLY do not like to do." All of the stuff that I had to do would render me incapable of logical thought. I would literally log in, look at my classes and freeze.
"I should study Pharmacology for tomorrow"
"But I NEED to study micro"
"Oh gosh, that stupid paper was supposed to be submitted three days ago"
"It's 4 in the morning. Why am I up?"
"Dratit, I need to read that other thing, too . . . ."
My brain can be a pretty crazy place sometimes - and thank you for the concern, but all of those thoughts were not voices and I'm not seeing things or having suicidal ideation.
After a great deal of consideration, consultation and a rather healthy dose of prayer, I decided to drop two classes. That places me at 10 credits for the semester, and I fully intend to pull a 4.0 on them. I do not believe that education should come at the cost of my life. I love everything I'm involved in right now - my job [well, you know, most of the time], rescue squad, my INCREDIBLE friends and family... and school is just another thing to add to the list. It's important, sure, but it doesn't trump anything else - except for maybe work...and work involves income, so that's not really possible for me right now.
It might take me until I'm 80 to graduate, but at least I'll have lived along the way.
As further explanation of my current situation, I am no longer enrolled in the nursing program that I fought tooth and nail to get into less than a year ago. When I started in the fall with all sorts of administrative hoops and other idiocy, I had an inkling that this wasn't going to work, but I gave it a shot anyway. This semester, with more credits than I've EVER taken (except for that one time back in my freshman year when I tried 21...) and a full time job on the night shift, I basically died. Not literally, mind you. In fact, I've been doing better as far as life in general goes. Academically, however, life was going less than great. I completely forgot a paper that was due, fell behind by about two week's worth of assignments in an online class and finally ended up postponing an exam until the end of the semester. I never forget papers. Ever. While online classes are easy targets for procrastination, the point I was reaching was unacceptable. And postponing exams is very near the top of "things I REALLY do not like to do." All of the stuff that I had to do would render me incapable of logical thought. I would literally log in, look at my classes and freeze.
"I should study Pharmacology for tomorrow"
"But I NEED to study micro"
"Oh gosh, that stupid paper was supposed to be submitted three days ago"
"It's 4 in the morning. Why am I up?"
"Dratit, I need to read that other thing, too . . . ."
My brain can be a pretty crazy place sometimes - and thank you for the concern, but all of those thoughts were not voices and I'm not seeing things or having suicidal ideation.
After a great deal of consideration, consultation and a rather healthy dose of prayer, I decided to drop two classes. That places me at 10 credits for the semester, and I fully intend to pull a 4.0 on them. I do not believe that education should come at the cost of my life. I love everything I'm involved in right now - my job [well, you know, most of the time], rescue squad, my INCREDIBLE friends and family... and school is just another thing to add to the list. It's important, sure, but it doesn't trump anything else - except for maybe work...and work involves income, so that's not really possible for me right now.
It might take me until I'm 80 to graduate, but at least I'll have lived along the way.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
three weeks til spring break
For as long as I've been in college, I haven't really done a whole lot with "YAY SPRING BREAK!!!" sorts of things.
Thankfully, that's changing this year :-D
There are some people who whistle like tea kettles when they snore.
If you think I'm joking, you should hear what I'm hearing right now. I don't know if this particular person was ever married, but if they were, I have very strong feelings of sympathy for their spouse.
I got yelled at in Hungarian tonight. That was a new experience and not one that I'm very likely to wish repeated.
Actually, tonight had a few "that can be the only time that ever happens and I will not be sad" sorts of things. I dumped a bucket of mop water on the floor and kinked my back when positioning a patient (seriously, you're supposed to keep weight close to your body and not twist while moving a person in a bed??? right. you have fun with that). And I am seriously fighting a crazy case of the tireds because I didn't go running before work today. Endorphins are amazing things. I'm addicted to them. Gimme. ...I just realized this paragraph makes it sound as though I dumped mop water while positioning my patient. I didn't. And no, I'm not going to fix the paragraph. I'm tired.
In about 14 hours I will be done with my first monster killer exam of the year. I'm about half way ready, I think. That's not enough, but...well...I'm doing what I can. If I can solidify my memorization of the molecular steps involved in the formation of urine, I think it'll be ok. Oddly enough, the molecular stuff involved with respiration is very straightforward to me. [watch me bomb that part. haha.]
It's crazy windy outside right now. I hope a tree doesn't fall on my car, cuz that would pretty much not be a good thing. Also, I think whatever sort of storm this is interfered with cell service, because my blackberry's battery was basically dead after 6 hours.
Anyway, those are my random thought type things of the evening...morning...time thingy. I'm going to keep listening to teakettle person and hope that 0700 comes more quickly now.
Thankfully, that's changing this year :-D
There are some people who whistle like tea kettles when they snore.
If you think I'm joking, you should hear what I'm hearing right now. I don't know if this particular person was ever married, but if they were, I have very strong feelings of sympathy for their spouse.
I got yelled at in Hungarian tonight. That was a new experience and not one that I'm very likely to wish repeated.
Actually, tonight had a few "that can be the only time that ever happens and I will not be sad" sorts of things. I dumped a bucket of mop water on the floor and kinked my back when positioning a patient (seriously, you're supposed to keep weight close to your body and not twist while moving a person in a bed??? right. you have fun with that). And I am seriously fighting a crazy case of the tireds because I didn't go running before work today. Endorphins are amazing things. I'm addicted to them. Gimme. ...I just realized this paragraph makes it sound as though I dumped mop water while positioning my patient. I didn't. And no, I'm not going to fix the paragraph. I'm tired.
In about 14 hours I will be done with my first monster killer exam of the year. I'm about half way ready, I think. That's not enough, but...well...I'm doing what I can. If I can solidify my memorization of the molecular steps involved in the formation of urine, I think it'll be ok. Oddly enough, the molecular stuff involved with respiration is very straightforward to me. [watch me bomb that part. haha.]
It's crazy windy outside right now. I hope a tree doesn't fall on my car, cuz that would pretty much not be a good thing. Also, I think whatever sort of storm this is interfered with cell service, because my blackberry's battery was basically dead after 6 hours.
Anyway, those are my random thought type things of the evening...morning...time thingy. I'm going to keep listening to teakettle person and hope that 0700 comes more quickly now.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Do You Ever Wonder
I've been working on a Baccale..whatsawhozit degree since I finished high school 7 years ago. [fyi, that's almost twice as long as it's supposed to take] There are a variety of reasons for it taking so long - switching majors, failed classes, lack of finances, Dad dying, not sure what I'm doing with my life.... but for the most part, I've been enrolled in a college for at least part of every single one of those seven years.
Why?
Seriously, I've asked this question before, and been convicted with the truth of the fact that, when I left for school way back when, I wasn't praying "what should I do?" as much as it was "I'm going to college now, so where?" Now I find myself wondering if I'm just going for the 4 year because I started this thing, darnit, and I WILL finish it, hell or highwater or...or.... [I get so articulate when I'm tired, it's really quite impressive]
Compounding the questions is the idiocy of college administration. Here's some news for you, boys and girls, it doesn't matter where you go, the admin is going to do something dumb. That's just how the game is played. It is your job to suck it up and deal. This has frustrated me since the dawn of my college career and the problems I'm currently facing are nearly inspiration enough to once again switch to something or somewhere else. (well, that, along with the fact that my prof told me straight up last night that EMS people have a hard time making the transition to nursing because it requires a different mindset. yikes?)
This is probably just the tired rambling of a mind overwhelmed by the stack of reading it faces over the weekend...but there's still a part of me that chafes at the fact that I'm supposed to put stuff before people. People are the reason I'm doing this stuff! How twisted can you get?
Why?
Seriously, I've asked this question before, and been convicted with the truth of the fact that, when I left for school way back when, I wasn't praying "what should I do?" as much as it was "I'm going to college now, so where?" Now I find myself wondering if I'm just going for the 4 year because I started this thing, darnit, and I WILL finish it, hell or highwater or...or.... [I get so articulate when I'm tired, it's really quite impressive]
Compounding the questions is the idiocy of college administration. Here's some news for you, boys and girls, it doesn't matter where you go, the admin is going to do something dumb. That's just how the game is played. It is your job to suck it up and deal. This has frustrated me since the dawn of my college career and the problems I'm currently facing are nearly inspiration enough to once again switch to something or somewhere else. (well, that, along with the fact that my prof told me straight up last night that EMS people have a hard time making the transition to nursing because it requires a different mindset. yikes?)
This is probably just the tired rambling of a mind overwhelmed by the stack of reading it faces over the weekend...but there's still a part of me that chafes at the fact that I'm supposed to put stuff before people. People are the reason I'm doing this stuff! How twisted can you get?
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