Feeling lonely is sort of a choice, I guess. But there are some degrees of it that cannot be worked away.
For some reason, my heart wants to find a buddy. I don't want to fall in love, and all interaction with males of the single persuasion is not really convincing me to change my mind on that topic. I don't even really want a best friend, though I'm seriously missing my macadamia these days.
No, I think my heart is wanting church. Not the "put on your happy face, sing the songs, plunk you butt in the pew and then leave for whatever activity of your choosing" version, but the "let's live life together, tell me what's up, or let's just sit and let God talk to us together" version.
And I can't find it.
Maybe this is on my mind because they keep telling us to prioritize our personal safety on scene, because, after all "each of you is someone's favorite person." Ha. That's true for several people, but I know it's not the case for me. Sure, I'd be missed, but it's not like anyone would be devastated. . . . death has a way of making a girl cynical, I think. Besides that, my brainwave's lonely. Dad's been off it for over two years now. I'm still kicking, but nobody quite gets it.
I don't think I'd want to know if someone did.
Good grief, this is not coming out the way I mean for it to. No more late afternoon musing under tired stress!
