Just what kind of nurse will I be?
And why can't life be like TV, where people work all day at a frenetic pace and then somehow have the time and energy to look fabulous while chilling out with their friends over a couple of drinks and still get a full night of sleep?
Will I ever be consistent?
And what is it like to fit into a single digit sized pair of pants, anyway? Or to use styling products and accessories with skill and reliable results? Do girls really use make up every day and enjoy it? Does it make a difference?
Can I really talk to God and represent Him to the people I love who don't have a clue about what He's really like?
Without falling on my face or disappointing people I love most in the world?
It seems that I can go for only so long before dropping dead in the middle of the race, and that doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense. I mean, we're supposed to run with endurance, not brief spurts of exhilaration. Just when I'm getting the whole balance of working out, eating right, sleeping and even a little bit of fashion sense thrown in for fun, the spend time in the Word, talk to God, build quality relationships, learn things part goes out the window. I don't want a random amalgamation of junk. I want awesome.
We always think that if we change something, it will get better. All that needs to change is us. A new town, new car, new degree, new relationship, new job won't make the difference. I keep thinking that my life will slow down when the semester's over, or when I get my degree, or if I quit running so much rescue.
It won't. I've gotten addicted to the ratrace I hate so much...even though I swear I'm one of the laziest people to ever convert oxygen to carbon dioxide. The externals don't make the difference.
God, help.
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