Is it possible to love too easily and yet somehow not really at all? Sometimes I think there's an invisible wall just below the surface of my heart. A person gets in and starts to feel the warmth but then lightly smacks into this immovable resistance. The warmth is soothing and pleasant at first, but like a shallow bath, cools all too quickly and you find yourself wanting to get out or plunge deeper - the sooner the better.
Love, by definition, is not self seeking. So why is it so hard to tear down so-called defenses?
The whole process makes me simultaneously cagey and lonely, excited and terrified, analytical and emotional; to the point that I wonder if sanity is something that I can actually claim.
And why is it that I can't seem to really write what I mean these days?
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