Insomnia

I cannot get myself to sleep. Today started before 5 AM and my body will not just SLEEP. What is wrong with me??

Maybe there's just too much in my head to get out. Ok, fine, here's what's in my head*:

EMT class is amazing. I want to do medically related work all the time. I love it. For years, I swore off the complete dedication bordering on addiction that results in having no life, and it's finally to a point where that doesn't matter any more. This stuff is AWESOME! As incredible as the level of excitement I have is . . .heh, it's not like we're actually doing anything all too wonderfully thrilling. We just went over patient assessment some more this evening, as well as a couple of specific skill sets - MAST pants and special soft tissue injuries (yay for making donut rolls out of cling! do you know which types of wounds require a moist dressing? :-P) I'm getting to know some people in my class, and one of my classmates asked me to cover for her later this month while she's gone on a business trip. Hopefully that works out, because getting some time in at different - and busier - stations would be great.

Of course, all of this comes at a cost. I don't know what is happening with my life at all right now. Hopefully I'll go to NOVA and get into the nursing program, and I really believe that'll be the smartest thing to do, long term. But at the same time? Man, I'd really just like to get into Recruit school and do Fire/Rescue (ok, so mostly just Rescue...) for the rest of however long. Part of this probably stems from being less than thrilled with my current job. No discredit to my employer is meant by this, it's just the way it is. I've had the same job for almost 4 years, and there's really nothing there to challenge me anymore . . .aside from being steadfast and patient and other good things. Which are all . . .good things. So yeah, I'm not complaining, just...yearning for further mental stimulation.

It's annoying to need to have a job that pays money. Honestly, if it weren't for my car...or the fact that I need to pay rent...or that whole insurance thing...or tuition...life would be a lot simpler.

And then there's the whole guy thing. Which really isn't all too confusing, I guess. At least, I don't THINK it is. And so, I should just not think about it, until further interaction proves me wrong, which I don't think it will. Bleh. Whatever. I just don't like feeling potentially confused.

All of this, of course, is further confused by this stupid sinus infection. I HATE my sinuses! Ok, so not really, but seriously. Every time I get truly horribly sick? It's a sinus infection. I'm on antibiotics for the first time since highschool and they're making me sick to my stomach. Yeah, so the whole pressure in my head thing is decreasing, but does it really have to occur in such a way that makes me think food must be the invention of Satan?

God's been teaching me an awful lot about love and trust lately. Of course, I always say that. Those are sort of the themes of life, as far as I can tell. But when you think about what it means to truly love those around us, it's rather intimidating. When God says everyone, He means just that. Sometimes, I can convince myself that I'm getting better at that, but when I step back and really look at the situation, it's pretty obvious that I'm not. In some ways, there has been significant growth -- I'm a lot more accepting of people being who they are and not expecting them to meet a certain set of guidelines for acceptableness as a human being. Having said that, however, actually presenting the truth and reality of my relationship with God in such a way that opens doors for further dialogue is something that needs some serious work. *sigh*

And I have amazing friends. That's enough for now. :-P

*to be taken with a grain of salt . . .or several grains. it's after midnight, after all