Here in the Quiet, I wonder

Just what kind of nurse will I be?

And why can't life be like TV, where people work all day at a frenetic pace and then somehow have the time and energy to look fabulous while chilling out with their friends over a couple of drinks and still get a full night of sleep?

Will I ever be consistent?

And what is it like to fit into a single digit sized pair of pants, anyway? Or to use styling products and accessories with skill and reliable results? Do girls really use make up every day and enjoy it? Does it make a difference?

Can I really talk to God and represent Him to the people I love who don't have a clue about what He's really like?

Without falling on my face or disappointing people I love most in the world?

It seems that I can go for only so long before dropping dead in the middle of the race, and that doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense. I mean, we're supposed to run with endurance, not brief spurts of exhilaration. Just when I'm getting the whole balance of working out, eating right, sleeping and even a little bit of fashion sense thrown in for fun, the spend time in the Word, talk to God, build quality relationships, learn things part goes out the window. I don't want a random amalgamation of junk. I want awesome.

We always think that if we change something, it will get better. All that needs to change is us. A new town, new car, new degree, new relationship, new job won't make the difference. I keep thinking that my life will slow down when the semester's over, or when I get my degree, or if I quit running so much rescue.

It won't. I've gotten addicted to the ratrace I hate so much...even though I swear I'm one of the laziest people to ever convert oxygen to carbon dioxide. The externals don't make the difference.

God, help.

Torning (Tonight + Morning)

We got a call right when I walked in the door at 1757 - dispatched as an illness, arrived on scene to find conscious but unresponsive guy. Unfortunately, I was driver on that call, so I had the chance to look inept and wander around getting stuff for everyone else doing actual patient contact. *sigh* honestly, I need more practice with patient contact in situations like that. They're the kind that still freak me out. If a person can talk to me we can get things eventually worked out. Case and point: the call we just got at 0317. Post op dude with catheter problems. He thought we could just flush it at his house....not so much. The medic showed up, asked if I was comfortable treating it BLS and left to grab more sleep. I would like to take this moment to brag on my awesome crew and state that our response time - out of a dead sleep for 2/3 of the crew - was 2 minutes and the total call time was 63 minutes. Rock it, ladies :-D

Sarah and I raided Bloom for strawberries, bread and cheese. She concocted a spice and olive oil mixture that had the firefighters raving about gourmet cooking - even though few of them actually sampled the awesomeness.

Annnnd I fought with the internet because it's stupid for some reason. I guess basic functionality is here, but I feel lost without chat. This same annoyance pattern can be seen with my frustration at TNT for not letting Mac users watch episodes of the new medical drama "HawthoRNe" online. I don't have cable tv and I'd like to watch this show, ok?! hmph. Ah well, in little over a month all thoughts of free time activities will be out the window. I'm going to sleep now.